You just made me feel so damn special
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
