I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
