My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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