Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
