I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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