Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
