if only i could text you this smell
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
