You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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