so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
