he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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