Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
