I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize