The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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