Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I am morally bankrupt
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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