The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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