im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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