I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
