oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
