come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
