Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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