why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
