I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
