I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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