You can't motorboat a personality
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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