how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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