So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
