I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
