i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
