I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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