Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize