I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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