I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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