M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
