Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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