If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
