Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
