Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
