Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
