I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
