It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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