He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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