That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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