I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
