Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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