Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He passed out mid-signature
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
