Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
