I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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