I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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