You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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