True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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