Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
