i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
