Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize