Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
