Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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