I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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