redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
