Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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