This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
