census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
