yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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