I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
These tits shall not be calmed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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