you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
