Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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