he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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