all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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