While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
