Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize