i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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