non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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