The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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