Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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