Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
