i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
