I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize