So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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