Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
