yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
