she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Farmville is her only friend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
