Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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